ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
