no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
