she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
