I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
That's when you crack a 10am beer
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize