Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
he fucked my hip out of place.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Randomize
