what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
