I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
