For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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