Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
