are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
People in love make me want to vomit
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
