i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
