I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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