I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
