he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Randomize
