It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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