I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Randomize
