Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
