meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
is that a dick in a sweater?
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
