I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
