No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
only you would photoshop your dick
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
