Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
That's intense
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
