I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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