Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
