We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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