I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I can't turn off my feet"
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
