That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
