my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
