would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
