im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
