Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
i drank out of a bidet.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
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In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
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Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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