I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Farmville is her only friend.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
