Got a toothbrush?
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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