I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
i just sent this text using only my big toe
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
