he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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