New invention idea: vibrating tampons
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
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