I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
