Soap is not a condiment
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
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