I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
it's like iHOP with fire
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
