I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
