I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
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