can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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