I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
