u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize