he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
