i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
