i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
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