so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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