tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
