dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
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