i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
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