Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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