So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
her facebook's as public as her vagina
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
