i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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