I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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