Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I want her autograph on my taint
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
