You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
