If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
