by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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