Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
