Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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