I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Randomize
