I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
