I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
