I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
