the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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